


From Here

by castironbaku



Series: Commissions! [7]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 21:20:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13960260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castironbaku/pseuds/castironbaku
Summary: After the Rushima landing operation, Marude and Hide flee from the CCG. Both of them have a little trouble learning to accept everything that's just happened and, with a bit of reluctance, they learn that relying on each other from now on means a bit of a heart-to-heart conversation.





	From Here

**Author's Note:**

> Commissioned by my good friend over at the Hide discord, Robin! Thank you so much!

_**Part 1** _

Marude had never considered himself an Olympic swimmer (although he was definitely not an amateur either), but he’d also never swam in the ocean in the dead of night. Even at low tide, the waves were daunting and with each one he crested, he could feel his stamina slowly bleeding out into the icy water. It didn’t help that his clothes were tugging him beneath the surface. 

_ Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea, _ he thought as he ploughed through another wave. He should’ve at least scouted for a boat. But in the heat of the moment, jumping was all he could think of. 

In the far-off distance, about ten or so kilometers off, he thought he could make out the faint lights of the Tokyo nightscape. Given how tired he was already, he knew there was no way he’d be able to get back to Tokyo that easily. So he changed direction, heading for a shadowy line of trees only a few meters away. He dragged himself ashore, weary and shivering, but not quite exhausted. He paused for a moment to wring out the water from his jacket, his shirt, and his pants.

With a couple wary glances around, he made sure that there was no one and nothing else here but the forest looming just ahead of him and the CCG behind him. It was almost poetic how he was, almost literally, straddling the line between his clear-cut, simplistic lie of a past and his scarily uncertain future. And all the while, in the back of his mind, he was holding his best friend at gunpoint, wondering where it had all gone wrong.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps. Not faint ones either. Leaves crunched under someone’s feet as they approached him. He reached for his gun, finger already on the trigger.

“Who’s there?” he said sharply, raising the gun at the darkness. “Stop hiding!”

More footsteps. Then, in the dull moonlight, a figure appeared. A familiar one, holding up what looked like a smartphone.

“Nagachika? That you?” He didn’t even have to ask though. He could recognize that battered floppy hat anywhere.

Nagachika, as if knowing that, tipped his hat and handed the smartphone over to Marude. The notes app was on and a few sentences were already typed in.

_ ‘You’re an amazing swimmer,’ _ it read. ‘ _ Did you practice a lot or does it just come naturally to you?’ _

Marude wrinkled his nose and returned the phone. “You could’ve offered to help.” Dry as Nagachika’s clothes were, it was obvious that the boy had taken a boat to get here. “So, is this finally the part where you fill me in on whatever the hell you were doing on Rushima? I’m not an idiot so you don’t have to worry about holding my hand through the whole thing.” He gestured at the phone. “And what is that? A disposable? I don’t want us getting tracked out here.”

Nagachika tilted his head a bit to one side, shoulders shaking a little as he tapped out a reply. Was he… laughing?  _ I just picked it up on the way here _ .  _ And I’ll throw it out tomorrow, don’t worry. All that aside, you must be freezing like that. _

Marude grunted. He  _ was _ freezing. If they didn’t find shelter and a fresh change of clothes soon, he was going to keel over and turn into an icicle. He didn’t like how easily Nagachika had dodged his questions, but he was going to have to ask them again later. For now, they had to go. Fast.

“Let’s get out of here,” he said.

They moved into the forest, letting the darkness underneath the foliage swallow them up whole. Here and there, shafts of moonlight shone like miniature spotlights on the forest floor. It was eerily quiet. Marude kept a hand on his gun. He wasn’t sure where they were, but he knew that places like this were prime ghoul territory. He kept his guard up, but after looking Chika dead in the eyes earlier, he wasn’t so sure he could trust himself to tell if a ghoul were holding a knife to his back.

Without warning, Nagachika’s hand shot out and grabbed him by the wrist. Marude clutched his gun. Twelve rounds and a single extra magazine. It was all he had to fight. It sounded like a sizeable amount, but in reality, it left him very little room for error, especially if they got surrounded.

Leaves rustled and twigs snapped. He aimed his gun at the source of the noise, trying to ignore how deathly numb his fingers were beginning to feel from the cold. 

Nagachika raised his smartphone up for Marude to see.  _ I passed a clearing on my way here. _

Moving to an open area would definitely do wonders for their odds. It would also do wonders for the enemies’ odds. But an even playing field was better than an execution. He didn’t lower his gun, didn’t turn his back to the noise, but slowly and surely backed off and followed Nagachika’s lead.

Unsurprisingly, the kid was right. The clearing itself wasn’t too big, but it was all Marude needed to get a clear shot at anything that moved. 

“You got a weapon, kid?” he asked over his shoulder.

_ I have a switchblade… _

“That should be fine.” At least he wouldn’t have to worry  _ too much _ about keeping the kid alive.

By now the noise had stopped, but by no means had Marude let his guard down. There was no telling what was out here and it was safest to assume that anything that moved was out to kill them. They stayed where they were, in the midst of the clearing with their backs to each other, weapons raised in front of them. Nothing moved. The forest was still. One could have heard a pin drop from a mile away.

Many more tense minutes went by like this until Marude decided to put his gun down, finally. Nagachika seemed to have the same idea, as he was already pocketing his knife. The way he did it looked a bit clumsy to Marude. Had he never used the thing before? There was a reluctance about him too. It told Marude volumes. It also made him wonder how Nagachika had survived this long. Surely there was a limit to how well he could woo the enemy with his words.

Nagachika looked up at him and raised his phone.  _ Something wrong? Or are you just admiring my fashion upgrade? _

In any other situation, he might have replied that Nagachika’s new look was only a bit less painful to look at than his old neon-colored clothes. But right now, his teeth were chattering far too much for him to think of anything to say. Even with the mask on, Nagachika was clearly worried.

_ We could make a fire and camp out here for the night _ , he suggested.  _ So that your clothes can dry at least. _

Marude shook his head. “N-No,” he said, gritting his teeth to minimize the chattering. “We h-have to ke-keep moving.”

Nagachika looked at him for a long moment before nodding.  _ Okay. I think this phone has a compass installed. If we head north, we should be able to get to a town about half a mile from here. _

“L-Lead the way, kid.”

It was hard not to try and curl into himself. His body was desperately scrambling to hold on to its last vestiges of heat as he trailed a few steps behind Nagachika. Every few feet or so, he glanced around, constantly half-expecting a hunger-crazed ghoul to materialize from the gloom. But nothing did. Whatever had been making noise earlier must have lost interest and moved on. Luckily for them.

The terrain gradually grew less and less irregular, the dense forest receding and the land sloping gently downward. Even the air was losing a bit of its salty brine. Finally, after what felt like a torturously long trek through the woods, they stepped out onto a narrow, paved road bathed in moonlight. A few feet ahead, a sign told them that the next town was only another half kilometer walk away.

Marude kept his eyes trained on what was ahead of him and his hands at his sides, despite the urge to tuck his chin into his chest and fold his arms. It was only a bit farther, he told himself. He’d endured harsher than this. He hadn’t escaped death by the skin of his teeth dozens of times only to succumb to hypothermia. This was nothing. This was nothing, this was nothing, this was—

Then Nagachika stopped so abruptly that Marude almost collided with him. He tried to scowl but he didn’t even have the strength to be annoyed. Instead he squinted at what was in front of them and realized that they were already at their destination. Incredibly, they had arrived at the outskirts of the town without being mauled.

Nagachika held up the phone proudly.  _ We’re here _ , it read.  _ Am I dependable or what? _

“Th-The phone did all the work,” Marude replied shortly. “Is there an inn n-nearby? We c-could check in for the night.” It was a risk, but both of them knew they had no other choice unless they wanted to bank on someone leaving their laundry out at night and it fitting Marude to a tee. Besides, they needed some time and a safe place to regroup and think about what to do next. All they had to hope for was that the inn wouldn’t ask for any identification.

_I think I see one_ _from here_ , Nagachika typed. _We can check it out._

And so, their trek continued along the lonely road. Residential buildings began to spring up, but they were sparse. At some point, they passed by a small shrine dedicated to some unknown god. It was only when they passed a convenience store and then a gas station that it really started to feel like civilization again.

The inn itself was nothing extravagant and was rather small. It was shabby, but in a homey sort of way, with its dark, timeworn wooden gate and stained paper lanterns. There was a tiny garden just outside the main entryway and this was where Marude and Nagachika stood rather awkwardly, wondering how they could call whoever owned the place.

_ We should get you inside _ , Nagachika typed.  _ Should be warmer _ .

Marude didn’t want to go barging into the place. It may be an inn, but it was also someone’s home. But he wasn’t exactly in the position to refuse. The cold was already seeping into his bones at this point. He nodded and allowed himself to be towed into the inn.

“Oh? Are you two guests?”

An elderly woman was hobbling toward them with a flashlight in hand. Marude’s mind began racing with excuses and alibis, but before he could stammer any of them out, she was already ushering them into the entrance hall.

“Come inside, come inside,” she said. “You must be freezing…” She fussed over them as though she’d known them for years. Marude hadn’t had anyone do that for him in a long time. It felt a bit strange, but it wasn’t unwelcome. She gestured for them to follow her down the hallway. “The baths are this way,” she said as she hobbled ahead of them. “Rooms are at the end of the hall, right over there. We’ve no guests at the moment, so you can pick any room you’d like.”

Marude and Nagachika exchanged glances, but they weren’t about to reject the woman’s unexpected hospitality. If worse came to worst, they could always just run… Hopefully. They didn’t have much of a choice anyway.

Nagachika opted out of the public bath for reasons that Marude could easily guess at, and the elderly woman pointed him in the direction of the private bathrooms. 

“They’re quite small,” she said, stopping in front of the deep blue curtain with “hot spring” printed on it. She mentioned nothing about Nagachika’s odd get-up and the fact that he hadn’t said a single word. Instead she smiled warmly at both of them. “If you have any problems, don’t be shy and call on me. My husband is still awake, too, if you prefer.”

Marude nodded his thanks and rushed into the baths as fast as he could. He peeled off his damp clothes and dumped them in one of the cubbyhole shelves in the change room. Rinsing himself off with hot water was a relief enough on its own but sinking right into the hot springs was a completely different level of heaven.

The heat bled into his bones, thawing him out slowly but surely. He sighed with contentment as he eased himself in up to his ears. Everything was still except for the steam that curled upward from the water. Had he not just defected from the CCG and escaped by the skin of his teeth, this would have been a well-deserved winter vacation. Not that he would have taken it anyway, if he had had the chance. He took his job seriously.  _ Too _ seriously, some have told him. But when other people’s lives were on the line every day, how could anyone  _ not  _ take this line of work seriously? Investigators lived a paradox whenever they tried to convince themselves that their livelihood was just like any other.

If Marude had voiced any of this aloud to anyone he knew, they would likely laugh and tell him he was just showing off his work ethic. And maybe he was. He didn’t know. Nothing made a lot of sense, especially not his values. Every time he closed his eyes he was slotted back into the moment he had opened fire on a man he had called a friend. And every time he pulled the trigger in his mind, he couldn’t find it in himself to feel the regret he was supposed to feel. All he sensed was this alien resignation, as if somehow, he had always known it would come to this. It was more than a little depressing to find out that he had ever thought of Chika as an enemy before he had ever found out he was a ghoul.

He lingered in the springs for a few more minutes, the image of Chika’s final disappointment in him engraved into the backs of his eyelids. Then, with some measure of reluctance, he forced himself to get up and out of the springs and back inside. He changed into a plain  _ yukata _ and picked up his clothes before setting off to find out if the inn had a laundry room. It did. He let his clothes tumble in the dryer for a few minutes, but tried not to let his mind wander. He was only now feeling the brunt of exhaustion and he didn’t have the energy to think deeply about anything.

Gathering up his now dry clothes, he headed for the rooms down the hall. Since the old woman had mentioned that there weren’t any guests, Marude figured it’d be fine to just knock twice and crack open every door just enough to check if Nagachika was inside. After around five times doing this, he found the kid lounging on the tatami mats, holding the smartphone above his face and playing some sort of game on it. He wasn’t wearing that ridiculous-looking sack over his head anymore, but had somehow found a thick orange scarf to wrap around the lower half of his face. His disheveled hair was damp from the showers and his eyes were as bright as the last time Marude had ever seen them about two or so years ago.

He straightened when Marude came in. He raised a thumbs-up and then flipped it to a thumbs-down with a question in his eyes. Possibly something along the lines of  _ ‘Didja like the springs or what?’ _

“They were good,” Marude said as he settled down on the floor and started folding his clothes as neatly as he could manage. “I can’t remember the last time I went to open-air springs like that one.” Once he’d finished folding his clothes, he set them aside to wear the next day. He was definitely going to need more than one set if Nagachika was right about this whole thing. And the kid was only proving himself more and more trustworthy with every turn of events.

_ ‘Oh yeah. The inn lady’s husband passed by to tell us she’s bringing up some dinner.’ _

Marude raised his eyebrows. The sound of a tinny voice speaking out of the blue had almost made him jump. “Is that… the phone?” he ventured to ask. He didn’t know much about what smartphones could do these days. He only ever used his for calls and emails.

_ ‘Yup. Text-to-speech function. I finally figured it out. I don’t use this model often so I wasn’t sure how to make it work at first.’ _ The automated voice was female and spoke without any inflection whatsoever. Marude couldn’t tell if Nagachika was bored or pleased with himself. Likely the latter. It was going to be weird talking to a disembodied, robotic female voice, but it was better than having to read every single thing Nagachika typed into the phone.

_ ‘Anyway, I talked to the husband a bit and found out there’s a bus station about a half a kilometer south of the town. We can take it back to Tokyo. Should be safer and faster than walking.’ _

“Good thinking. Once we get back, we can rendezvous with my men. Assuming they got my messages.” He lifted one of his knees to rest an elbow on it, his brow furrowing. 

_ ‘Even if they didn’t get your messages, I would’ve figured out a way to let them know.’ _

“Oh, I don’t doubt that. You have some kind of penchant for knowing how to do things you shouldn’t do.”

_ ‘I’d argue that, but I’d also technically be lying so…’ _

Marude opened his mouth to retort but just as he did, there was a knock on the door. He got up and opened the door a fraction just to make sure it was the old woman and not anyone suspicious. When he saw her carrying a heavy-looking tray of bento boxes and a pot of tea, he swung the door open wide and immediately offered to help her.

“No, it’s quite alright,” she said, shaking her head and shuffling into the room. “I can manage this much.” She set the tray on the low table in the middle of the room and told them she’d be back in the morning to clean up so they needn’t worry about it. Then with another sincere smile, she bowed out of the room.

_ ‘We were lucky she was still up a while ago,’ _ Nagachika’s faux voice said.  _ ‘Apparently she was about to lock up just as we got here.’ _

Marude nodded, but his mind was already elsewhere. He hadn’t told his men about the Washuu. Not yet anyway. There hadn’t been much time, and he couldn’t be sure of who was listening. He wasn’t even sure if any of them trusted him enough to abandon the CCG and blindly follow the vague messages he’d sent them. Only a total idiot would, to be honest.

_ ‘… ey. He-e-e-ey. Come on, ’ _

Marude looked up, startled. Nagachika was scowling at him. His bento box was open but the food was still untouched. Oh.

“Sorry,” he said, moving closer to the table. “Let’s eat.”

They said their thanks for the meal (or in Nagachika’s case,  _ thought _ it). Marude lifted the cover off of his bento box just as Nagachika got up with his. Marude furrowed his brow before realizing that the kid was going to take the box and eat it somewhere Marude couldn’t see him. He felt a surge of… Was it pity? He pursed his lips.

“Isn’t it, uh…stuffy?” He cursed inwardly. Why was it so hard to think of something? He didn’t want to sound dismissive, but he didn’t want to sugarcoat it either. It was kind of ridiculous. He never imagined he’d ever try to tiptoe around a kid’s feelings. “I wouldn’t… You know…” 

Nagachika paused, obviously surprised by Marude’s concern. Which Marude thought was kind of annoying considering how nice he’d been to the kid for so long.  _ ‘Thanks,’ _ the phone in Nagachika’s hand intoned in its usual cool, stiff manner completely unlike how the kid would’ve said it if he could still talk.  _ ‘But I don’t think… _ ’ The voice paused.  _ ‘I don’t think I’m ready yet.’ _ The corners of his eyes crinkled as he flashed Marude a smile from underneath his scarf.  _ ‘I’ll be back in no time.’ _

If there was anything Marude knew how to do, it was backing down from a fight he couldn’t win. It was a lesson that had come with age, and it had come in handy countless times, no matter how frustrating it was. Heaving a sigh, he nodded and let the kid go. He wasn’t sure if there was anything he could’ve done, but at least he tried… Right? Chika would’ve told him that. Something like,  _ It’s the thought that counts _ . Or some other proverb he’d found in a book he’d picked up the other day. Ever so supportive. 

Thinking about Chika again made a pit form in Marude’s stomach. He shook his head. Eating was likely the only way he could derail this train of thought. He picked up his chopsticks and dug in.

 

After dinner, he sat on his futon, dejected. Eating hadn’t helped him forget Chika like he’d hoped. In his mind’s eye, he was still pulling the trigger on his friend. The gun was recoiling in his hand, and now the bullet was flying so slow that it looked like it was suspended in mid-air. Marude clenched his trembling fingers and felt his palms slick with sweat. He sighed. Despite how physically exhausted he felt, he probably still wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight.

He settled in under the covers and let his eyes focus on a single vague point on the ceiling, waiting for sleep to come. A few minutes passed and Nagachika padded into the room from the balcony, replaced his bento box on the table, and vanished into the bathroom. He reappeared moments later, bobbing his head to some song he’d found on his phone.

“Lights,” Marude reminded him before he crawled into his futon.

Nagachika made an ‘ _ Oh, right’ _ expression and reached up to tug the string dangling from the lamp overhead. With a click, it switched off, plunging the room into the same darkness they’d been in just a few hours ago. Nagachika’s face was awash with the pale light from his phone. The music faded away into silence.

With Nagachika in his futon and the room now still as a Buddhist temple, Marude relaxed. Maybe now he could finally get the rest he deserved.

Except he couldn’t fall asleep.

His body was drained of energy but his mind whirred endlessly, rewinding and pausing and playing everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. His memory was caught in an infinite loop. The darkness and the silence had done him no favors and instead made his memories more vivid and raw. So much so that he almost thought he was  _ still _ at the CCG’s base of operations at Rushima and that this whole escapade—defecting, attempting murder, all of it—was the dream.

Marude’s eyes snapped open. His heart was beating hard and fast against his ribcage and he felt vaguely like vomiting. He gritted his teeth. Why did he feel so hung up about this, if he didn’t feel guilty in the least? Why was reality so hard to swallow? He didn’t think he was the kind to let this get to him. Was he  _ doubting _ himself? Was he—

_ ‘Can’t sleep?’ _

Nagachika’s interruption was unexpected but not unwelcome. Marude wasn’t going to pretend that he didn’t need it.

“Nah,” he said, sounding calmer than he felt. “You?”

_ ‘I’m wide awake.’ _

Silence.

“How do you know?”

_ ‘… Know what?’ _

“That you’re doing the right thing.”

There was a pause, and then a sharp exhale like laughter but not quite.  _ ‘That’s a funny one coming from you.’ _

“And why’s that?”

_ ‘Well, you’re the older one.’ _

“If age could teach me that shit, I’d be some kinda monk by now,” Marude scoffed. 

Nagachika took his time replying this time. Marude hoped he was thinking of an actual answer instead of another joke.

_ ‘I’m no expert, but it’s like… If I can make the people I love happy, then that wouldn’t be wrong, would it? If I have to hurt someone to do it, I’d rather not, but if I have to, then I have to. It’s more complicated than that, but that’s the easiest way I can explain how I feel.’ _

A simplistic answer. Childish, selfish, and egoistic. But Marude understood. He didn’t expect Nagachika to have any grandiose designs to save the world from itself. He was just a kid looking out for a friend. Everything just so happened to work out this way. The world had ghouls and Nagachika knew his way around them. The right person at the wrong place at the wrong time.

_ ‘If I’d had it my way… He would never have gotten caught up in any of this at all. If I had been smarter, more careful, none of this would’ve ever happened to him.’ _

Silence yet again, but heavy as molasses. Ken Kaneki—Haise Sasaki—was Nagachika’s best friend. Maybe even his  _ only _ friend. Nagachika smiled a lot and made idiotic puns that flew over most people’s heads, but Marude dared to think that he was perhaps the loneliest of them all.

“You… remind me a lot of someone I know.”

_ ‘Really?’ _

Marude hesitated. He wasn’t sure if this was what he had meant to say. It had come out of his mouth before he’d realized it and now that he was being asked, he didn’t know how to explain it, really.

“A… good friend of mine,” he said, choosing his words with care. “Met him a long time ago. He was the sort of guy you could depend on for anything. Charismatic, efficient, and an all-around nice guy.” He smiled to himself. “You can tell the ladies were all over him.”

_ ‘Wow… Sounds exactly like me _ . _ ’ _

“Yeah,  _ exactly _ like you,” Marude said dryly. “Anyway, my point is—he had something most other people in his position didn’t. It’s hard to pin it down exactly but it’s what made him so popular. He was easy to get along with and he really, honestly gave a shit about everything he did and what he did it all for.” He paused, waiting for Nagachika to retort with something cheeky. But for once, the kid was silent. Marude decided to continue. “He was a good man, is what I mean. It’s hard to imagine where we’d all be if he had never—” He faltered. If Chika had never been involved with the CCG… He wondered what might’ve happened. What sort of man would Chika have been had he not been a Washuu? 

It was useless to think about impossibilities, but Marude knew he was just desperately clinging onto the what he thought he had always known.

_ ‘He sounds like a great guy,’ _ Nagachika said.  _ ‘You say I remind you of him, but the more you talked about him, the more I thought he reminded me of Kaneki.’ _

Marude glanced over at Nagachika, but the kid’s back was turned, his expression out of sight. “We won’t let them win,” he said. “We’ve lost enough as it is. They can’t have him, too. You got that, Nagachika? We’re in it for the long haul.”

_ ‘Ha-ha… Yeah, yeah, I don’t need you telling me that.’ _

“ _ Anyway _ , I’m going to get some shut-eye,” Marude said, turning onto his side. “You sleep, too. Way past your bedtime.”

_ ‘Fi-i-i-ine. G’night.’ _

“Night.”

And this time, when Marude closed his eyes, a dreamless sleep was, finally, just around the corner.

**_Part 2_ **

Hide laid on his back, wide awake in the murky darkness.

A little ways away, Marude was snoring, fast asleep. Something about their conversation must have calmed him down enough for him to finally rest. Meanwhile, Hide was only just letting it all sink in now. It wasn’t so difficult to imagine who Marude was talking about. And knowing that made it even weirder. It was a lot like being compared to a fictional character. He was flattered (maybe?) but in the end it didn’t really matter because it wasn’t real. Yoshitoki was just a caricature in Hide’s mind. A meager attempt at a father figure. One that was never really  _ there _ .

Hide didn’t hate him. He didn’t love him, either. How was he supposed to care about someone who always looked at him with pity? It was kind of dumb that he was even thinking about it in the first place. Nevertheless, he did  _ try _ in the beginning. Called him ‘Dad,’ and showed him cool stuff on TV he saw and talked about the bookworm kid he’d met at school. But “Dad” would always watch him with pensive, sorrowful eyes. It only bummed Hide out. It just didn’t seem like there was any point to being enthusiastic about anything. And now he had this stupid habit of feeling sorry for himself when he didn’t really need to be. Great.

When Marude said he was a lot like Yoshitoki, Hide had thought the man had to be joking. Nobody who ever knew him and his father had ever told him that they were alike. Only the opposite.

How would Marude react if he knew the whole truth? Hide couldn’t imagine it very well, but he already didn’t like it. At best, it would be awkward. At worst, it would be really uncomfortable. 

_ Ah… If only Kaneki were here,  _ he thought with a sad smile.  _ He’d snap me out of this faster than I ever could. _

His smile faded. In his mind, Kaneki’s screams were loud as ever. They were going to haunt him for the rest of his life, he knew. He would always wish that he could’ve saved Kaneki himself. But he was only human. He couldn’t fight with a  _ kagune _ or even wield a weapon bigger than a single switchblade knife. There was nothing he could do but let the others save his best friend.

Maybe that was why the way Marude talked about Yoshitoki reminded Hide of Kaneki. Marude wished he could’ve faced Chika any other way than point a gun in his face. Hide wished he could’ve had the courage to face Kaneki altogether. But neither of them did; both of them paid the price. And now they’d both relive these nightmares every time they closed their eyes.

* * *

The next morning, they set out for the bus station. The elderly couple saw them off and though they’d refused any payment, Marude had insisted until they finally gave in and accepted the money. Hide waved goodbye until they were out of sight. It wasn’t often that he met people so kind, especially not these days. And even with the few that he found, he couldn’t bring himself to trust them completely. It was a harsh way to live, but it was also the  _ only _ way to live. If he stood any chance of seeing Kaneki smiling again, this was the least he could do.

“Don’t put it back on. The mask.”

Hide glanced up at Marude and then back down to his crude, homemade sack of a mask. He hadn’t taken off the scarf, but walking out in the open with half his head bare was making him a little antsy. He fished out the phone from his pocket.

_ ‘I won’t,’ _ he typed.  _ ‘I won’t lie—I wish I could, but I know it’s not the best disguise in broad daylight.’ _

“Good that you do.” Marude scratched the back of his head, sighing. “To be honest, I get itchy looking at you wear that all the time. I’m pretty sure it’s—”

_ ‘Yeah. Really stuffy. And scratchy too. Good thing I’m not allergic.’ _

“Then why use it? Not like you didn’t have any other options.”

_ ‘Marude, you know how the best superheroes make their own costumes at home? That’s the logic.’ _

“Logic,” Marude repeated dryly, shaking his head. He looked like he had a lot more to say, but was too tired to say any of it. Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, Hide didn’t really mind either way. He was just satisfied he didn’t have to explain his “fashion sense” any further than that.

And so they walked on in relative silence, following a path that hugged the border of town until they’d reached the opposite end of it. After that, the road meandered a bit aimlessly as it sloped downward, as if trying to escape the scant forest it was in. One too many twists and turns later, Marude and Hide found themselves on a ridge overlooking Tokyo Bay with the woods behind them. The road ran along the edge here, offering a somewhat scenic view for any tour buses that happened to choose this for a route. Sure enough, a few meters down the road was the lonely-looking bus stop with its rusted sign and chipped paint.

Hide had taken all but two steps forward when Marude put a hand on his shoulder and he knew instantly that he was probably going to need his knife.

“You don’t need to hide,” Marude said loudly, raising his gun. “I already know you’re there.”

Twigs snapped, leaves crunched, and two ghouls emerged from the trees, their eyes bright even in the morning sunlight. Hide glanced around, sizing up the enemy. Two men, a hulk of muscle and a lanky one.

“So,” Marude said, “is this a hobby of yours, or did you know we’d be here?”

“A little bit of both,” the lanky ghoul said, grinning. “We wait here for stragglers all the time. It’s not often that we get more than one or two. Easy pickings. We just happened to see you last night. Knew you’d eventually end up here one way or another. Any stranger in this town always does.” He paused. “And I wouldn’t wave that gun around like that if I were you. Not if you want to die first.”

Hide gnawed on the inside of his cheek. He’d had a sneaking suspicion that there weren’t just two of them. From the way the ghoul was talking, he was almost certain that there was a third one hiding in the branches. The two ghouls only blocked their path backward. The third would cover the rest. The only question was…

“You’re an investigator,” the lanky ghoul went on. “I’ve seen you on the news.” He scowled. “Why are you here?”

Marude and Hide exchanged glances. “Why do you want to know?” Marude asked flatly.

“Why? If a wolf was prowling around right outside your house, you’d want to know, wouldn’t you?” The lanky ghoul crossed his arms and the larger one glowered at them. Hide was starting to realize that they weren’t here for a fight. “Now answer the question.”

Marude seemed to have noticed the same thing Hide did. He was already lowering his gun when he said, “It doesn’t have anything to do with this town or you.”

The tension in the ghoul’s shoulders lessened somewhat, only to stiffen again. “How do I know you’re not lying to us? How do I know you’re not just going to turn around and kill us all?”

“I couldn’t even if I wanted to,” Marude said. “This gun and this kid is all I have on me right now and to be honest… I still have a lot of questions that I can’t answer by killing anyone.” 

The ghoul hesitated and his muscled partner spoke up instead. “We don’t like killing people either. We’d rather not. We don’t.”

“It’s not as if we wanted to be like this,” the lanky one said. “But sometimes it feels like you don’t give us any choice.” He shook his head. “The… buses come around in five minutes.” He looked at Marude, as though trying to scrutinize him and failing to do so. Then, without another word, he and his partner returned to the woods. Hide saw a flurry of motion in the trees where he’d expected the third ghoul and thought he saw a small figure hopping lithely from the branches. 

“A kid,” Marude said, sliding his gun into the back of his pants. “Explains why we didn’t see them last night. She was probably the one we heard.”

_ ‘And that’s why you stopped?’ _

He sighed heavily. “It just didn’t feel right to me.”

_ ‘How did you know?’ _ Hide smirked.

“How did I—” Marude paused, then rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay. Yeah, I get it now. Knowing I’m doing the right thing isn’t that hard sometimes. Lesson learned. Happy?”

_ ‘And they say you can’t teach old dogs new tricks.’ _

He grunted and walked off in the direction of the bus stop, his hands deep in his pockets and his mind probably just as deep in his thoughts too. Hide watched him go, chuckling a little to himself. 

Hide couldn’t blame him for struggling to reorient his moral compass. There were a lot of reasons why people did the things they did. And many more reasons for those reasons. Were people and ghouls the same? Could they be? Was there a way to find compromise between both sides? What made things right for one didn’t make them right for the other. Hide had always found himself thinking long and hard about everything, but at the end of it all, he only had one goal that kept him going in one direction and only one.

Whoever his father was and whoever or whatever  _ he _ was, it didn’t matter. Whatever happened, wherever, whenever.

“Oi, kid! Let’s go!” Marude called before climbing the steps onto the bus.

Hide glanced back at him, then grasped the phone in his hand.

_ Whatever happens, I’ll make you happy again _ , he thought.  _ Just sit tight for a little while longer, ‘Neki. Just a little longer. _

He rolled his shoulder back as far as it could go and flung the phone out over the edge. It plummeted into the sea, shrinking into a dot and vanishing into the roiling foam.

Then he turned around and ran for the bus before the doors closed on him. And he didn’t look back. Not even once.


End file.
